I get it. I'm nearly 28. I'm not getting any younger. I got married almost a full year ago. I have a wonderful husband and a happy marriage. Everyone around me is getting pregnant like they are supposed to. I get that the "typical" progression of things would be for us to get pregnant and start a family. I get it. I really do.
I don't know how else to express that we are not ready to have children. And while I know you all know that, I don't understand why I am constantly berated with "I'm ready to be a grandparent now!" or "any day now!" or "you don't want to wait too long!" or "hold the baby to get some practice!" or, or, or,.....I could go on and on. My absolute favorite is being mocked every time I have a stomach ache or don't feel well. Instead of a comforting "sorry you don't feel well" what I get is a "sounds like you're pregnant!" everywhere I turn.
While those comments may feel like they are all in good fun, what you may not realize is how OFTEN I hear them. The truth of the matter is that these comments get interpreted as pressure, which in turn makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong by choosing this path. I've always been the one that does what I was supposed to do. I stayed out of trouble, I listened to my parents, I got good grades, went to college, got a job. I later went above and beyond to and get my masters degree. While I hate to think I'm not doing what I'm "supposed to do", it just doesn't feel like the right path, and I don't want to feel guilty for not taking it.
I understand there is never a perfect time to have a family. I really do. However, we live in a one bedroom apartment in a area where we can't even begin to afford a home...or even a condo for that matter. I'm an unemployed intern making little to no money. I have no hope of getting licensed as a marriage and family therapist for AT LEAST another year, and I'm trying desperately in this economy just to get the training I need to make it somewhere in my profession. To top it all off, we were both born to young parents who are nowhere near close to retirement and not at all able to help us with childcare during the week. Introducing a baby into all this sounds like the scariest thing ever to me, and I have an IMMENSE amount of respect for people who are doing that.
I apologize if we have not taken the path that you took, or want us to take, but we would like to do everything we are able to do to make starting a family one of the happiest moments of our lives. We would like to have a home, and at least be somewhat settled in our careers. I know that not everyone needs this level of security before starting a family, but I do. Let's face it, my husband and I aren't exactly the biggest risk takers.
All I'm really asking is for people to just lay off the comments. I'm doing my best to brush them off, I really am, but you can only hear them so much before it starts to eat away at the confidence you have in the choices you are making. We will get there when the time is right. I promise.
